Sole Pina

Head of Lower School
ELIS Villamartín

 

As parents, we want the best for our children: for them to be happy, responsible and capable of facing life with confidence. However, raising children isn’t always straightforward, especially when it comes to setting boundaries without falling into authoritarianism or permissiveness. This is where positive discipline comes in.

This approach, developed by Jane Nelsen and based on Alfred Adler’s psychology, aims to teach life skills while strengthening self-esteem and family relationships. It focuses on blending firmness, with clear rules and kindness, with respect and understanding, avoiding punishments or rewards.

The balance between firmness and kindness is key to conscious parenting, promoting clear boundaries and constructive lessons in a respectful environment.

Various studies have supported the benefits of positive discipline. Research published in the Journal of Child and Family Studies found that parenting strategies based on communication and mutual respect are associated with better emotional and behavioural development in children. Children raised with these practices tend to be more cooperative, self-assured and less likely to exhibit long-term behavioural problems.

Moreover, a study conducted by the Society for Research in Child Development indicates that approaches combining firmness with warmth and emotional support contribute to better academic performance and healthier social relationships in childhood and adolescence.

These findings reinforce that raising children with positive discipline not only improves their immediate behaviour but also fosters essential life skills. It teaches children to resolve conflicts, manage emotions and make responsible decisions, preparing them to interact positively in various settings, such as school and home.

By understanding the natural consequences of their actions, children learn to take responsibility for their decisions. This process strengthens their problem-solving abilities and encourages independent decision-making.

This approach is rooted in emotional connection. When children feel valued and respected, they are more likely to respond positively to established rules. Rather than correcting behaviour reactively, it focuses on underlying causes, addressing children’s emotional needs to prevent future issues.

Strategies for Implementing Positive Discipline

  1. Set clear and consistent rules. Communicate rules simply and ensure they remain consistent over time.
  2. Listen and validate their emotions. Acknowledge their feelings before addressing their behaviour. For instance, you might say: ‘I understand that you’re frustrated because you can’t keep playing, but it’s time for dinner.’
  3. Offer choices and encourage participation. Giving children the chance to choose within reasonable limits helps them develop a sense of control and responsibility.
  4. Use natural and logical consequences. Instead of punishing, allow children to experience the natural consequences of their actions, as long as these do not compromise their safety. For example, if they forget their homework, they can explain what happened to their teacher.
  5. Be a role model. We must demonstrate patience, empathy and respect in our daily interactions.

Raising children with positive discipline doesn’t mean abandoning boundaries or avoiding conflicts but addressing them with respect and love. This approach helps children develop vital life skills while strengthening the family bond.

The journey can be challenging, but every effort counts. Raising with firmness and kindness is an investment in your child’s future and the relationship you will share for a lifetime.