Sole Pina

Head of Lower School
ELIS Villamartín

 

As parents, we want the best for our children: for them to be happy, responsible and able to face life with confidence. However, parenting is not easy, especially when it comes to setting boundaries without falling into authoritarianism or permissiveness. This is where positive discipline comes in.

What is positive discipline?

Developed by Jane Nelsen and based on the psychology of Alfred Adler, positive discipline seeks to teach life skills by strengthening self-esteem and family relationships. It focuses on combining firmness, with clear rules, and love, with respect and understanding, avoiding punishment or rewards.

The balance between firmness and affection is key to mindful parenting, promoting clear boundaries and constructive teaching in a respectful environment.

Benefits of positive discipline

Several studies, which we will highlight below, have supported the following benefits of positive discipline:

  • Better emotional and behavioural development
  • Better social relationships and cooperation
  • Better academic performance
  • Development of skills for adulthood
  • Personal responsibility

Research published in the Journal of Child and Family Studies found that the use of parenting strategies based on communication and mutual respect is associated with better emotional and behavioural development in children. Children raised with these practices tend to be more cooperative, self-confident and less likely to exhibit long-term behavioural problems.

In addition, a study conducted by The Society for Research in Child Development points out that approaches that combine firmness with warmth and emotional support contribute to better academic performance and healthier social relationships in childhood and adolescence.

These findings reinforce that raising children with positive discipline not only improves their immediate behaviour, but also fosters essential skills for adulthood by teaching children to resolve conflicts, manage their emotions, and make responsible decisions. This prepares them to interact positively in different environments, such as school and home.

By understanding the natural consequences of their actions, children learn to take responsibility for their decisions. This process strengthens their ability to solve problems and make decisions independently.

This approach is based on emotional connection. When children feel valued and respected, they are more likely to respond positively to established rules. It assumes that instead of reactively correcting behaviour, you focus on the underlying causes, addressing children’s emotional needs to prevent future problems.

Examples of applying positive discipline

  1. Set clear and consistent rules. Communicate the rules in a simple way and make sure they are consistent over time.
  2. Listen and validate their emotions. Acknowledge their emotions before correcting their behaviour. For example, you could say, ‘I understand that you feel frustrated because you can’t keep playing, but it’s time for dinner.’
  3. Offer choices and encourage participation. Giving children the opportunity to choose within reasonable limits helps them develop a sense of control and responsibility.
  4. Use natural and logical consequences. Instead of punishing children, let them experience the natural consequences of their actions, as long as these do not jeopardise their safety. For example, if they forget their homework, they can explain to the teacher what happened.
  5. Be a role model. We should be a model of patience, empathy, and respect in our daily interactions.

Positive discipline does not mean giving up limits or avoiding conflict, but rather approaching them from a place of respect and love. This approach helps children develop important life skills while strengthening family bonds.

The road may be challenging, but every effort counts. Parenting with firmness and love is an investment in your children’s future and in the relationship you will share throughout your lives.

References

  • Nelsen, J. (1996). Positive Discipline: How to Raise Children with Firmness and Love. Editorial Urano.
  • Journal of Child and Family Studies. (2015). Communication and mutual respect parenting: Impact on children’s emotional and behavioural development. Retrieved from https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10826-015-0271-6
  • Society for Research in Child Development. (2018). The influence of approaches that combine firmness with warmth on academic performance and social relationships. Retrieved from https://www.srcd.org/research/influence-firmness-warmth-academic-performance-social-relationships